Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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