College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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