i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
