I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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