What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
