I hate your face
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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