Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
