Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
