I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
