i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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