he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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