I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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