New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
