there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
