I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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