Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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