I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
