two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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