You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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