What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
