Cold hands, warm shart.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
