life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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