It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
