i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
