apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
