I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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