I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's official drugs can't kill me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
