Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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