ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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