Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
