You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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