we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Mom said you looked used
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
