Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize