I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
