I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
