Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize