I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
