You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
