my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
