i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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