Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize