He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
