Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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