i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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