super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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