If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
