just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
