party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
