I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
