Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
