Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize