would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You left your phone here
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