so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
