my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize