My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
