I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
