The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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