Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
