I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
