this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
