He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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