so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize