is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
