I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
