I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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