In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
