cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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