Betty ford says i'm here all night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
