He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
