my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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