mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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