I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
