Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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