i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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