I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
