I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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