coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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