I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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