my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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