the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This toilet bowl is my home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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