I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
