i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
