If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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