I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
