why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
