First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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