Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
