Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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