I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
