Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
