I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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