I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
