I think my fart just growled at me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this beer tastes like vomit already
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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