I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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