And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
