Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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