Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
