Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
