how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
