My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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