It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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