Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
