I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
