you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize