He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
