Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
