Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize